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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed guide to the words gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {